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Thoughts that Elevate

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What is very ironic is the fact that sometimes the best wishes can be buried in misunderstanding,

Again how soon I have forgotten the unthinkable connotations that could be associated with a simple word,

Cry?  How weak are you?

I cry as the oceans heave,

My tears do not dry willingly, and they are not spoken of without passion and compassion,

The earth,

As if dust has blown in my eyes, and dirt in my face,

I search for fresh water to cleanse wounds,

He does not look forward to breakfast… He does not look forward at all,

He may die without help,

How sick is this man, who speaks of suffering and death like it is his own?

He must pray,

Others must pray for others, and reach out a hand – send their best wishes,

Buried,

by money and time,

If they have plenty, they must share,

To stop the bleeding, to stop the hunger and thirst,

Right beside you, or far away: someone needs,

It may be an addiction, an illness,

It may be a biological failure – part of the system,

Maybe in a society that has not come round to close the circle…

Of life,

To bring good life,

It may be your family, or a part of the global family,

Did you know we are all related?

It is written in our genetics,

It holds true in time and space, how near and how far we are, 

How much connection we have to the main frame,

Where it may be devastating and tragic,

Where are those that can do something about it?

Offer their contribution,

Money for water and food,

A cup of coffee for a forgotten friend or someone that has no warmth,

A word of encouragement for someone down on their luck,

A stamp on an envelope that sends help,

A thought that elevates,

You could be a saviour,

Karma will be thankful that you have reached out,

And given hope.

 

I really am trying to speak for a cause, but there are so many.  I could list websites and links to charity, but that would be like me choosing.  It is not hard to see in a newspaper, or right beside you: where help is needed.  Everyone has to do their part.  Often everyone, for at least a moment – thinks about it.  Just take it a baby step further.  Walk, the walk.

I’m doing a lot of talking,  My big cause in this blog is mental health, psychology and the arts.  I try to keep my world functioning, by also being committed to other’s wellness. Sometimes we can make the biggest difference just by taking one extra step.  Whether it is the cause that we address, or the effect. 

Mousetrap

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If you read the last blog, you will see a point of view that is emerging – that all the drinking, and drugs that society engages in, is at least in part: an effort to join in and find spirit.  While this may be a large generalization – it seems that this is one reason why we might have a drink, or why someone might do a drug.  My point is that, we need to focus more on the inner-strength and beauty to avoid letting substance use become a crutch.  Also we really need to be able to connect our selves with others in a positive way.  When people can’t achieve this connection, they may try to hide or seek freedom in what can actually be a tight corner, that is more confining than the initial space.  It seems best to have clean connections:  Ones that are not fettered by substance use. This may be difficult.  When care and attention is taken to minimize these risks, some things may be permissible… IF health is not threatened. Moderation for substances like alcohol, coffee, nicotine, pot, etcetera is important for people that can afford this indulging.  Clearly: Some extreme forms of drug use can act as an impediment to a healthy world.  It’s what people choose, and what draws them in. It is unfortunate that people are put in the spot where they feel there is no where else to turn.  I think that if we co-operate with a drive to bridge gaps in communication and economics – addictions to substances may become less.  This is a complex bridge to build.  However: awareness of mental health and how that coincides with substance use may be a first step to help many people.  Once people are on the road to recovery, fair treatment, personal initiative and continued availability of the collective knowledge about health: can help keep the path clear.

This obligatory poem was written about some of the issues that can happen in substance use.

Mousetrap

 

Years ago I did something that changed my world,

For a moment thought I was back then for sure,

Dragged enough and jostled just a little more,

Things are said, I can’t forget,

I guess my actions were mislead,

I don’t mind, by this time,

But I still care about that long lost friend,

The dog won‘t attack,

 

Just last year I did something that changed my world,

For a moment thought that I was free and pure,

Dreamed enough and thought I could do much more,

Things were said, but instead,

I guess my actions were misread,

I don’t mind, how unkind,

But I still care about the cat that’s dead,

How can he come back?

 

Things they are reminding me,

Thoughts that still come to me,

Memories chasing me,

Only time can make me see,

It’s all coming back to me,

 

Just last night I did something that changed my world,

For a moment thought that I had found the cure,

Drank enough and wanted just a little more,

Things were said, lost my head,

I guess my actions were mislead,

I don’t mind, what they find,

I just don’t care about the rat I’ve fed,

He’s not coming back,

 

Things that are reminding me,

Thoughts that still come to me,

Animals just like me,

Now that I have set them free,

Will they come back for me?

Connecting

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Cosmetic repair hides the seams of reality,

Our superficial nature glosses over with the need for stitches,

The need for buttons, zippers, collars, ties and fashionable statements,

Embracing the creation – the unnatural façade… 

Yes: enhancing,

But not realizing that the true being – the true form is beautiful,

Wild and rolling, like the sea against the sky,

And out into the spaces in between,

We are hushed by the script itself,

Forced to read within the lines,

And work too hard to share the perspective between all,

But not of all,

While the wall is built further with the bricks that are meant for the bridge,

Still we pile on the layers,

Where the path may never connect again,

We need to take those steps back, to reconnect,

Build harmony and melody to create the rhythm,

To find synergy…

Harmony has been lost,

Dissonance remains,

The strides we make: must draw on the inner-strength,

Beneath the skin, within the heart and spirit,

To find the shared space:

The collective energy,

Inwards and

Out again,

Overcome the wall, the trouble that seethes,

Past the sea, past the sky, past the earth and into the peace,

The calm:  the forgotten instinct – strong and free.

 

Listening to Jim Morrison and Jimi Hendrix – alphabetical on my ipod.  They had the right idea in a lot of ways.  Extremely unfortunate issues that took them too soon, and that still persist.  With care and attention we can develop the same values without the problems of addiction that devastate lives.  I believe that it is the need for spirit that drove them past the stop.  If the people with the more practical edge could see the need for a somewhat deeper connection with such energy, perhaps so many good people would not go out onto that limb… trying to reach out…. too far.

Steady

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Once more. I wrote this about twenty years ago. It is about the struggle with art and mood. The relevance here is that I am working hard to find ways to improve people’s quality of life. This is the main reason why I started this blog. So far it’s been fun, anxious, and sometimes harsh! I am working on revising a few ideas. Good times!

This poem draws on some very deep feelings and some monumental challenges. The ‘resolution’ is more realistic: find shelter, try to be relaxed, be optimistic, have friends, and be good to yourself. Written around 1992.

Again – the dialectic, the opportunity to share ideas, can help solve a lot of problems: boiling down wild ideas into pragmatic truths. Until we are content and the problems that we challenge are solved – we persevere. Taking time to relax is important. This can be a luxury, but learning to relax in difficult situations can enable a steady balance that can encourage success.

…..

Steady

Thinking about things, outside of this world,

I could have understood it, but now I’m unsure,

Sky’s clouded over – life’s ways become hazy,

Lights fading away, today’s driving me crazy,

…..

Looking up above at a wet grey sky,

So much sadness and I wonder why,

Rain starts coming, down, down, again,

I’m soaked to the bone, it’s pouring rain,

…..

Thinking so hard, mud slides in torrential rain,

I’m digging for some answers, dug deadly insane,

I made an advance, I made a good impression,

Hardly learning my lesson, say “manic depression,”

…..

A cycle of life, a system easy enough to see,

Situation goes to hell, I don’t know what to believe,

Thought I had a foothold, but in confusion caught,

Slip-sliding fast, no support for my thoughts,

Slip-sliding too fast…

…..

A thought flashes brightly in the night of my mind,

Together but all alone,

Try to run for cover, in confusion and fear,

Scared senseless by thunder’s fierce tone,

…..

Falling down, help! When will I make it out?

I’m up to my neck in a pool of doubt,

Sinking down,

Deep down, deep down into despair,

Listen to what I say: it’s not too much to bear,

Too much to think,

Here comes the weight of the world landing on our shoulders:

…..

Split by enlightening,

blistering shock,

nowhere to run and hide, my legs won’t walk,

Like steel rain,

on my brain,

Pain beats ice down on my head,

Wounds still bleeding wounds, already done bled,

….,

Talking bloody blue-sky after storm we had?

Freezing up cold all hopes gone bad,

Frozen…

…..

Thinking about things inside of this world,

I May understand, in fact I’m pretty sure,

Blue skies overdue after storm we had,

People who take shelter, can always be glad,

….,

Looking up above at a bright blue sky,

So many people see it at any time,

Here comes the weather, for another long day,

Exploding with energy, every single last ray,

…..

Thinking slowly, from a different perspective,

It is just within reach, found a new objective,

Finally made a decision, hell made a good impression,

Finally learned the lesson, I can fight off depression,

…..

So, life beckons, though time again changes,

Not the only one to find so much pain, just,

Work and be taxed, then find a way to relax,

With a stage that can always get better,

…..

Just wait one second, time rearranges,

Not the only one to find life so strange, just,

Relax and find fun, take the long run,

With a change for the better end

In the clouds

In the rain

Or in the sun

 

 

Awaking Terrified, Falling into The Calm

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[For those that for some reason keep visiting this poem: Without serious revisions to clarify some reasoning, I will just add, I don’t so often talk about the pain and grief. I think it’s better that way. It helps us stay optimistic and make positive changes]

This is something that I started in the middle of the night –last night.  Waking up terrified and then working it out for a few minutes on my computer:

 

Have I traded hard work and suffering for suffering and hard work?  If I could be doing what I want to – I wouldn’t even care….But the Risk!!!   I have left the construction industry to chase the big dream: graduate school, poetry and a better world for all.

 

I mean my yearly income is about to be cut in half… or worse…

 

Am I nuts?

 

For what: A shot at creating some freaking sanity, and looking into moral values?  Ease suffering in the world?  Yes all of that.

 

I have felt secure in the moment.  What happens when the rug comes out?  I fall into the abyss and bring my family with me?

 

I am not a heretic.  Maybe I am an idealist, a hopeless romantic – At times even a radical, religious thinker?

 

Where is my place in this world?  Yes the most obvious to me: Father, with family, but Healer?  Leader?  Trade worker?  A good percentage of the time, my experience tells me:  I am connected to an understanding that a lot of people in this world ignore OR don’t care to know at all.  These experiences, this connection-  Studying art, spirituality + psychology (whatever you want to call it):  It seems useless and fabricated to some.  To me, it is necessarily divine and transcendental.  Ha!!!  Art?  Perception is in the eye of the beholder.

 

How do I put this to work, pragmatically and efficiently?

 

What will people say?

 

The hidden job-market:  in this case – the buried, locked-up and extremely rare job market.  Am I the guy for the job???  There is that doctor at a famous university that said flat out: a PhD should be within my reach.

 

I get it.  While my goals are quite serious:  They are quite lofty, and quite difficult to achieve.  I didn’t entirely choose these goals on my own.  In many ways, they have chosen me.  So what?

 

 

The writing below has added up over the last while. The obligatory poetry… Sorry to drag it out.  I want to share this, even if it faces epic judgement.  It is another conversation with rhythm.

 

The Calm

 

I’m celebrating the things that might be,

The future is so elusive,

Forever waiting, it seems so blurry,

You know that it’s absolute, right?

Just take your shot…

 

Charge me for what I have not received yet,

So certain and so positive,

You insist on getting payment up front,

So distant and affirmative,

I’ll get what I want,

 

Today, I’m up – Really sucks to be down,

Left so dead, and moaning,

Lost my head, and beaten,

Still the sun rises…

 

Roll over, to kill the alarm,

Rock down, here comes the storm,

Jump up to answer the phone,

Get down, if you’re all alone,

 

I’m celebrating the things that might be,

The future is an illusion,

Forever chasing, but it’s never here,

You will know it when the truth comes,

Just don’t’ miss it…

 

Trudging, crawling, and grasping at the chance,

Creatures below reflecting stars,

And that’s just how it turns into a dance,

Lightning, CRASH!!! A downpour begins,

And it numbs the fear,

 

Rhythm overtakes those that are shaking,

Burned right up with fever,

Wake all night, sweat it out,

Soon the sun rises….

 

Step up, to be so well known,

Get down, if you’re all alone,

Roll over to conform to the norm,

Rock back down, and find the storm,

 

See a bridge, leading up into the sky,

Hostile but attainable, we can make it if we try,

Surely I can get there, with a little sacrifice,

The future is certain, but there’s always a big price,

 

Not that all my thoughts are so foreboding –

Top of a mountain, expecting nothing,

Now my thoughts are careening, corroding,

The fact is: joy and pain can make you sing,

I’m celebrating the things that might be,

The true future may be waiting,

Forever taking what it just might need,

You’re only sure when you get there,

It’s just a balance…

 

Jump up, to reach all the heights,

Get down, who killed the lights?

Roll over if you can still stay warm,

Rock hard, to charge into the storm….

 

Hold on tight,

To what’s inside,

Hold on tight,

To your insight,

 

Fluorescent whites of their eyes –
I see their surprise –
Did you bring the supplies?

The emotions inside,

Insight, choice…

She has more beauty than the sun on the wings of birds as they fly in the sunrise or the sunset,

As it plays in the morning dew in the cobwebs, or dances with the ripples in the waves in the sea at the day’s end,

All day long a glowing presence,

And a clear sky at night, perfection wove in the cloak of glittering stars, and reflected in the lonesome moon,

A meticulous purveyor of good attitude,

And thought that I should follow you,

And thought that I should follow you…

 

When you find there is more than one way up,

Take a breath – then go take another look…

Repeat.

Creative nourishment,

No question:  Wonder,

Torn asunder,

Blasting down lightning and thunder,

Crashing like a storm,

Sinking like a cloud,

Buried, as in the fog,

Awakening as the sun burns through,

 

I’m celebrating the things that might be,

Elusive but still waiting there,

The chance is certain, just so absolute,

In real-time the storm never ends,

We charge into the future

Genetics in poetry

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I am taking a course on genetics right now.  I think the following poem uses the vocabulary fairly accurately.  One question is about when polymerase forms.  Actually the couplet was reversed initially, so that the polymerase is present before the dividing of dna strands, but the accuracy of the poem as it sits may be debatable.

Very interesting studies…

Scientists are working hard to solve problems that have come down from our ancient ancestors.  Genetics can often provide ways of dealing with diseases that may affect us.  Of course much of the very specific behaviour and characteristics of our being is defined by genetics… in some cases: it is the main reason for attributes.  The same holds true in mental health.  The ways that we respond to stress and mental health issues can always be connected to genetics in some way.  It is the way we deal with our genetic make-up that can really help us with these given traits.  For example, by eating well, exercising, not abusing substances, sleeping well and practicing relaxation techniques – we can balance out problems that may arise from our genetics.

 

Genetic Advances

What is the energy that binds us all together?

Chemical electricity – Static through all weather?

Is it some kind of gravity that chains us to this rock?

Emotion can be binding, if molecules could talk!

 

Sometimes it can be- how much a pair really tolerates,

The answer could lie in the resulting polymerase,

Cause and effect that broke off one of the loose strands,

In dimmer days I had to think that it’s all been planned,

 

Out of the nucleus and into the space between,

Having learned exactly how it worked at the last scene,

Nucleotides times three in this clever biology,

To be tried by the ribosome to provide what we need,

 

The precision in this mystery creates proteins,

That keeps us moving, adapting – it can be so clean,

Sometimes along the way, reproduction changes it all,

X-linked, complex, autosomal – drastic starts out so small,

 

A rumour voiced so simple can turn so complicated,

With time science learns how this can be anticipated,

New found poise can allow us to prepare for the worst,

Mutant choice, no longer is necessarily cursed,

 

No easy answer can be expected in this case,

I would think that there is no need to have to save face,

People working on stronger solutions every day,

In an endless reaction, we make it work this way

 

 

 

Chance favours the prepared mind

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Creating chance means being prepared.  Sometimes when we are not vigilant or unaware we can miss a great chance.  Sometimes we let our guard down and bad luck creeps in.  There always seems to be a lesson for us.  Maybe at that moment that we thought we really lost an opportunity:  We actually permitted another opportunity… something equally rewarding or better.   Everything happens for a reason.  Being ready to seize the moment, yet stay relaxed can pay off.

It is good to stay optimistic.  Being prepared this way enables good luck.  To me it seems that somehow – optimism turns the odds in our favour-  sometimes just slightly…. at other times: immensely.  A relaxed, confident state of mind can open doors…. often by starting a good conversation, and creating energy to make things happen.

Think things through,

Feel free-flowing energy: emerging, enabling,

Permitting, persuading, persevering,

Curing, creating, kind and calculated chance:

chores and challenges achieved.

Creating Chance

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I want to Explode- I missed another chance… 

I cannot survive- to risk passing more plans…

The wait until tomorrow could never end,

Holding on for the next beautiful God-send, 

 

Fallen between the cracks and crevasses,

Sand quickly drifting into the darkness,

Through my hands,

Underneath of my feet,

Unknown ever again, far below the path I walk on,

 

Chance – within a moment: so clearly divine,

Yet the moment before you chose to resign,

Meeting a person that may make your world spin,

In respite, you decide the ways you can win,

 

One word is spoken, but misunderstood,

Forever changing the way it will go,

Through our minds,

Unseeing our context,

Understood by each of us – in a new and unique way,

 

Meaning and moments invisible to one,

Clouded, yet now we share the bright brilliant sun,

Goals that can occupy one person’s lifetime,

Wait one more fickle moment for just the right line,

 

Great events occur that affect us each,

There is no mistaking the powerful,

Through our goals,

Unreal thoughts may outstretch,

Unimaginable: a world without a complex mind,

 

Extending that key word into precision,

Attention: focus that defines our vision,

Goals that must be realistically defined,

In hobbies or pastimes – fine to get behind,

 

In precious building blocks of who we are,

It pays to be careful, yet risk on a star,

Through clear eyes,

Untold sights may appear,

Unexpected change occurs – be aware you’re creating

Flower Child

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A long time ago, I came up with the idea that love should be kind of an even thing.  Everyone deserves some.   Do we have the capacity to love our enemies?  Conceptually?

This kind of hippie consideration might make it easier for people to get along – even compromise.  Maybe then, in one home: disagreements, yelling, irrational insults and even divorce could unravel with the consideration for basic humanity: respect.

How can it help?  Well it goes to show.  Even if a couple may split up – a simple respect that involves effort and endurance, may make the aftermath a lot less messy.

You can’t love everyone like they are your best friend, or your soul mate, but you can love everyone, such that you treat them with the respect of humanity.  If that care for the human condition is cradled and admitted to, it can persist to stop battles – or at least reduce casualties.

I am trying to love you,

Don’t you have the time?

Are you locked in social convention?

As the clock is quickly dying?

I see someone trying to love me,

But I just don’t have the time,

I am burning up each single moment,

Still I yearn for what is mine,

Everybody needs someone,

Even if it’s just their self,

Economy and social battle fronts,

Prevent many from sacred wealth,

I am trying to love you,

Don’t you have the time?

Is that simple thought too sick for you?

Or is it healthy in your mind?

 

leepic 056

Painting: Lee Matuga

Scenery Figures in Time

Buntzen Lake

The form of the beach is so finely determined,

The criss-cross of shoe treads looking like bird prints,

Even the far shore is alive with colour,

Lying fog more apparent on the other –

Side,

The channel right between where the mountains meet,

The hydro station past the green, buried deep,

These bright creations converge near the pavement,

As human nature wades in on the ancient –

Wild,

A strong tree grows from the hundred-year-old stump,

Some fishing boats troll for trout near the pump,

Engineering feats are often in these years,

World view that’s secluded – to me seems quite clear –

Now!

Planes above, dimensions are on level ground,

Beach view, city view – won’t change my reaction,

Bad mood, or good mood is where my action’s found,

It’s the natural social-species question,

Right?

How do we keep things from falling all over?

It’s what we receive from the environment,

We need confidence to keep it all rolling,

Strategies to handle what’s inside our head –

Right,

Everything around us has an effect,

If this lake of water has so much power,

It will change in time with the way we reflect,

As it has changed my time in the last hour,

Hey!

Right…

Right?

Now!

Wild side~

I had a chance to go to my ‘sanctuary’ today.  I need that time to think.  It is also calming for me to write, so before I made all my plans for work and chores, I took a bit of time to write the poem above.  You can actually hike way up into the mountains here.  There’s waterfalls – both natural, and part of the hydro system.  Up at the top – it feels more pristine, but the lake and beach are still inspiring and beautiful. B.C. eh?