I recorded this about fourteen years ago (Around 2006).  People like it.  A lot.  I have recorded no other full songs and was only jamming a few times per year back then.  With the rest of my life surging forward, I have had less time to play although I do keep in touch with my close friend here and will one day before too long jam again…

Music 🙂

I sang off the top of my head, with very few memorized lyrics.  Above is the recording, with my friends also improvising on electric guitar and drums.  Lee Matuga on guitar also does some of the paintings that I post pics of, with my work on this site.  Adam is on drums.

This is one of my only poems with course language.  Years later I shared the recording with brand new colleagues (in 2011).  Mistake.  What may be the bigger mistake is the reaction and interpretation that they have had.

I think everyone gets the environmental pollution theme.  People may not have understood the psychological content as well.

This may be the piece which created so much stigma as to draw fire and sabotage my career.  Really it is mostly subconscious impulses, with only a few passages that could be taken the wrong way; however, people judged me differently after this.  They treated me like someone I was not. I was not an over-sexed man complaining.  I was for a lifetime unheard, without intimacy and hurting for that reason. Intermittent intimate? Not really.

The stigma seems to have been built on certain inappropriate language that was misunderstood.  This language was suggestive to certain people of bad taste, promiscuity and narcissism.  My actual values and behaviour are far different than some people’s misunderstood notion from this song.  It was more clearly an all out “Id-based” expression but brought on a stereotype that didn’t match my history.

While I still was accepted with this song by my colleagues, I was accepted in a way that was not me.  When I reacted in social reflexes to their treatment of me, I aimed to impress and improve understanding.  Ironically, I only confirmed the stigma more.  I couldn’t get help, despite repeated emails.  I was stereo-typed.  I was seen as trolling, but I was just seeking to build an adequate understanding to prevent discrimination and explain myself.  Then it blew up because I came out with all of it.  I asked a supervisor to discuss the discrimination, but it seemed very unusual, fabricated and obscene.  It made the discrimination worse.  I was ignored when I should have been helped and listened to.  No one looking back today can deny that.

My normal day-to-day values and peace-loving kindness shine through with much more presence, and more clearly in the undercurrent in the rest of the recording. I’m sorry if some parts of the lyrics are disturbing to you.  It is heavy metal poetry and drama, not all real life.  It is not depraved.  If that is how people have interpreted it, then shame on them.  Get your mind out of the gutter.

**12:59 Shower**

For the last challenge,

You will have an ice cold shower…

An ice cold shower?

An ice cold shower…

Freezing cold winter rain causing subliminal

pain,

Burning hot summer heat, wipes you off your frickin feet,

hey!

*

Translucent white of the ashes,

Flying from

the volcano,

In the heart of the city,

*

Industrial pipes billowing smoke clouds that drip on you every day,

And they burn through your skin,

And your place in the city is

just too close to the city,

*

Watch the rain as it comes down fast,

You can see the faces of the under-known,

*

Watch the clouds as they pass on by,

You can see the faces of the other silent

watchers,

On the other silent planet,

With the other silent,

*

Traces of time on the edge of your moment,

Makes you feel like you shouldn’t have ever known it,

I can’t believe what has happened…

To the place where I used to be in the most,

*

Desperate change to the need in your reach,

The conversation having you, is having you beat,

You can’t understand why they’re looking down on you like that,

*

Looking up into the sky,

It makes me wonder why,

I’m thinking all the time that there is going to be some saving grace,

*

And you just let the reflections of God,

given to you,

And let you receive,

Unto this

beneficial bullshit,

*

Pinned down by the mean man,

The one that’s up above,

Staring at you like you are just a little piece of work,

That needs some seasoning,

You frickin little jerk,

And then you see the idle eyes,

In the brain

and in the skies,

You know that he is really,

Somewhere,

Connected to you,

Through some passage,

Through some thought,

Through some subconscious pathway,

Fucking bullshit.

Hey,

Hey,

Hey!

Hey!

How the hell do you expect to receive it by standing on your

porch?

Your porch is underground,

*

Oh taste the fresh,

Or just confess good,

I want to see Frankenstein, growing in this,

But that I can tell ya,

That I can tell

what I say:

He’s chasing the other dream,

*

He has thoughts and he has feelings,

She is right and she’s believing:

No one can be cooking more than me,

*

Oh we have iodized, idealized precision,

And we just know that one thing to do is every day,

Make your decision,

*

Pitter patter, let’s get at ‘er,

Pitter patter, it’s pouring outside,

That’s not pitter patter –

That’s rapid torrential thumping,

*

It’s raining outside, but it’s kind of intermittent,

Yesterday’s massive storm left me drenched,

It seems the calm can be refreshed,

and we can leave the daily mess,

But you were twisting your words like a wrench,

*

Intermittent intimate,

Enter, enter, intermittent intimate,

Intermittent intimate,

What I say,

*

Well it’s nice out outside,

And it’s finally subsided,

And the calm can be refreshed every day,

Is seems the skin that is burning

Is from your yearning,

And we make it through just this way,

*

Intermittent intimate,

Intermittent intimate,

I’m getting, Intermittent,

I meant, I meant

I meant

It all baby,

*

Constant refusal is kind of amusing,

I can’t stand it any fucking more,

You want to get down with the sound of your feeling,

But there’s nowhere to go when you’re sore,

Chase the ace…

Oh, she’s sweet…

*

Take,

the last,

Breath of the day,

12:59

How ya feeling?

Fine,

That’s alright – How are you?

We all doing alright just to know that you’re good,

And you know what to do,

Save your last,

*

Charm yourself,

Charm the rest,

Pass the test,

Take it again if you don’t make it,

Constant improvement of your soul,

Through

passing,

and failing,

and changing,

*

Ritualization

Ohhh!

 

Torn in two

It’s nothing new

Everything I do

Life is true

 

Work and pray

Every single day

We have to pay

While we work okay

 

Every moment I know about

Wouldn’t be the same without

Something true

How about you?

 

Every day that I live without

Things that makes me scream and shout

I think of you

All I do

 

What is new?

I’m torn in two

Everything I do

Life is true

 

Work and play

Every single day

A choice we make

While we work okay

 

Everything I write about

Wouldn’t be the same without

Things that make me scream and shout

That’s nothing new

Two paths it’s true

I think of you

All I do

A race for the sun

We take a solo flight

There is no other way

There is no other fight

If we’re lucky we enjoy life more

The course we choose always matters

Our control comes from the core

In the sun’s progress the old us shatters

Our time is left behind

A future undefined

…..

The race is won together

The end is always near

Quickly on the same page

We lose our nervous fear

If we’re lucky we enjoy life more

The path we choose always matters

How we roll comes from our core

The checkered flag is left in tatters

Our time’s no more behind

The future crossed the line

…..

If we clash and toil

And blood begins to boil

We must work hard each day

Make life turn out okay

I’m disqualified for plain insight

But not going by the books

Only the moment tells what is right

Without empathy leaders become crooks

Let’s prove our love is fine

Our time is on the line

 

At times I may seem incredibly dark

The institution seems so very bright

Not recognizing the confusing spark

Explosions you thought would erase the light

I remain so calm and try to express:

My thinking’s not wrong

With bad sense behind

Forget all the rest

Look into my mind

 

I can find peace

I can find fire

I can find pathways to dreams that inspire

 

At times I may seem hidden from the dark

The institution keeps me overnight

Not recognizing a walk in the park

Emotions you missed were pure out of sight

I remain calm still and try to express:

My thinking

 

My thinking’s not wrong

Common sense can be blind

 

Forget all the rest

Look into your mind

 

At times you say I do this just for a lark

The institution is not always right

Not recognizing the truth, cold and stark

Devotion you block while spirit you fight

I remain so calm and try to express…

 

Love and Space

Goals match how we live

Achieve if we strive

No matter what we give up

 

Let us face

Souls, standing apart

Separated always

but still close at heart:

We are distanced in space

 

It is

Who we know

It is

Where we go

Love from afar

It is

Who we are

 

Be safe like a Star

When the corona virus began to have more impact on us, I was thinking of today and living in the moment.  I still am.  These are some tweet-poems stuck together.

I have this picture that I took on March 11.  It was serene, similar to the picture at the end of this post which I took even before that.  Since then, I have been thinking about how much the world has changed and I want to post something.  This ‘poem medley’ also starts off with the power outage that we had a few weekends ago.

 

Windstorm revelation…

Soaring

Almost here

*SMASH*

Darkness falls with

An electric thunderclap

A charged series of explosions

Echo into the night

Our grid shuts down to total

Pitch black silence

Ideas go cold

Appliances stop grumbling

All lights vanish

Into another

Disturbing

Power outage

 

As the storm rages outside

my head is also filled

with a series of bursts

Unexpected blasts

of the day’s events

 

I’m compelled,

Some will see this differently than me,

I have optimism and faith in the resilient spirit,

 

Meditate on now

Reflect and plan throughout the day

I still like the breeze on my face

as I walk down the stairs

Other times, I want to get back under the covers

And forget about my cares

 

We are as strong as life

as safe as our dreams

Everything we imagine is just as it seems

 

I’m upset that we often recognize the moon only for its ties to the night,

I rejoice when I see the moon in the day,

I enjoy that vision,

It was cool today until the gravity of the world came down,

What a heavy day,

Lucky to have blue sky to fall back on,

 

You are the one

to make things turn out

Break the chain

Extinguish pain

Power stays within closed doors

Still with our connections

Isolated but involved

in networks

You have the key for me

To endless possibility

To work out destiny

and end suffering

Outside there is light

For which we fight

Inside your bright days

Enable peace

 

The world changes around me

like any other day

I walk fast

and briskly turn a corner

I run into an old friend

Sunshine

I’m aware: it won’t last

never does

Yet we always meet again

 

Vintage moments happen at any time,

If we fixate on negatives we miss a chance to help the world,

 

Flatten the curve

The economy bounces

Wash and distance routinely

As culture renounces

Cycles of waste

Monthly losses

All adding up now

Light falls so swiftly

Rebounding soon somehow

Agents of health

Healing quickly by learning

and not getting sick again

We all bear the burden

 

I’ve sunk to a new low

Hit the past day’s horizon

Pulled deep with the undertow

Across the space the sky’s on

I raise my cup to life

Drink coffee as I’m climbing

The day cuts like a knife

Impeccable in timing

As I rocket past

Through blue or grey: a blast

 

Darkness fades

 

A rebirth to years of

Cycles turning

Once closed to all light

Forever I’m learning

Not always aware

And never returning

The same as the night

 

Horizon

A vision seen like clay pottery

Intricate design

Grey

Orange

Bright and dripping

Gold

Pouring rivers of molten lava

into flowing thoughts

through the trees

into the center of the Earth

You and I

Taking rehearsed dives into the dark

Into the night

 

Time

Full of Life

 

Day fades into night

The joy of bright sunlight outside

flowing through open blinds

throwing warmth on the room

is absent

I’m surrounded by darkness

creeping in corners and under doors

Electric lamp has a shallow reach

But energy pervades

And I resonate with subconscious current

 

Dreams arrive now

Or moments later

 

Depth to the depth

When shallow I’m hollow

A breath in and out

Time moves and I follow

Then in the West

We call out Apollo

His best must be left

In grooves that we follow

 

Daybreak has all of the plans

At night dreams start all over again

Lighting the way

Everyday

A test to the test

In fire I wallow

 

A splash of wisdom

A dash of defiance

I aim to be close to

Established compliance

I can’t complain

but we do need change

To challenge the system

And set a new stage

 

So today

I buck history

Mine and the world’s

Try to redesign meaning

Of words we’ve unfurled

Bright ideas, dark days

My optimism is pure

Work and believing

 

Confess to the rest

When shallow we’re hollow

A breath in and out

Success proves how to follow

Guessed to be best

The world shouts a loud call-out

The rest must be blessed

In grooves that we follow

 

Daybreak has all of the plans

At night dreams start all over again

At the height of day

I work and pray

Success at the test

In fire I wallow

 

Smoke is rising

Flames are twisting

I waver like a leaf in the heated breeze

No surprise

I’m resisting

To get past pain and find progress beneath

 

Our future is uncertain

and alternates positions

Staying strong in only one:

A stem of

Cool and calm visions

IPreface

I have decided to start a writing project.  This could turn out to be something for blogs, an all-out book, or something towards a university degree…  I will have to see where it takes me.

This introduction took me a few hours to write, but a lifetime to prepare for.

Update: I have written Chapter 1 and moved on to the Chapter 2, but I have decided to hold off publishing until I have more of the book assembled!  Still, the introduction here is a quick glance at my history and philosophy, that you should find interesting enough?!!

Balancing Mood for Greater Productivity:  Optimism and Empathy – Strategies to Manage Life

By Mike Scott

Introduction

Intense productivity and good health derive from the ability to balance mood.  I know this from experience.  I want to share with you what I have learned about balancing high levels of energy such as mania and hypomania.  I have had success by turning these potentially troublesome moods into a consistent calm attitude from which I have been able to generate productivity in the workplace and at home.

You might ask, “In what way has this guy been productive?”.  It is about perspective.  I have fought through one heck of a lot.  Perseverance became a major factor that enabled me to obtain a Bachelor of Arts degree with a psychology major while I fought off manic and mixed episodes in bipolar disorder for the duration of my undergraduate studies.  I was hospitalized several times.

I have not had an episode since 2001.  Within a decade of taking my degree, I completed my electrical apprenticeship.  I worked for close to fifteen years as an electrician.  I spent four years as an electrical foreman in data-wiring and had multiple, hard-earned successes in large construction projects.  Again: determination got me through.  I sustained injuries and worked through pain for many years.  Due to the physical dangers for me in the field and the industry demands that threatened to compromise my goals in mental health, I left the electrical trade.  Years before this, I had started working on my goals in psychology again.

In 2011 I submitted a paper on goal-pursuit.  I was told by a prominent researcher from a top U.S. university that a PhD should be within my reach.  By the time I left electrical work in 2015, I had already started casual hours in support work for mental health.  I have had success supporting adults, youth and children with special needs for over five years now.  This can be gritty work, with emotional and physical challenges.  I also coached over a dozen sports teams and won nine championships as a coach in minor league baseball.  Yes, this is just kid’s stuff to some, but with new responsibilities in the new millennium and learning from my problems in the 1990’s, I have found better ways to balance mood… and generate productivity.

I suffered a lot from episodes over those years, and I learned how to stop escalating into mania.  I did this by managing physical health, taking medication for mental health, and using all sorts of cognitive strategies.  New insights allowed me to manage triggers that otherwise would have set me off.  They are no longer triggers.  My newly balanced and calm demeanor has helped turn many difficult situations into productive ones.  This has been noted by family, friends, co-workers, clients and supervisors.  My energy is about patience and reason.  At the same time, I have electricity.  I quietly buzz with productivity, and systematically accomplish goals.  I find grounding by getting tasks done and discovering new perspectives to balance mood while appealing to common sense, spirituality and humor.  The certain edge that I have, landed me in research with the University of British Columbia.  In 2016 I was published as a co-author for a study on “Effective self-management strategies in bipolar disorder”.  The team’s research has been respected by the government of Canada with an award of distinction.

Meanwhile, I have worked through challenges in my home-life successfully.  I went through a divorce.  It was a mutual split.  I remain close with my kids and they have adjusted.  I do everything I can for them.  I gave my ex-wife the home, to settle quickly, and to provide for them.   Almost a year after moving out, I became romantically involved with my new partner, and in 2014 I moved in with her, her two kids, and her father.  I work extremely hard for all parts of my family, and we are doing considerably well.  The four kids get along and are making progress in school and in new occupations.  My partner and I are very happy together.  I work steady, take care of the kids, handle most of the household chores and help my wife’s dad run what is basically a small hobby farm.  All these experiences are ways that I have been productive, while avoiding mania or depression.

Now, if you are still interested, I hope to tell you how I have most effectively balanced mood, to create productivity over my lifetime:  Being confident and kind helps me find more productivity!  Optimism.  Empathy.  It’s simple.  It seems like a no-brainer!  Why can’t people get this?  For me, being optimistic increases productivity because it builds a bias towards confidence to achieve.  Then, more often: we achieve.  Being considerate increases productivity because if we help others, others are more likely to help us!  It seems straight-forward.  There is something else about caring, when the world gets involved… and the universe.  There are so many surprises and challenges that every situation is different.  Optimism and empathy have enabled me to have many successes in life.

There is one complex discussion that plays a big role in this book and it may be hard for some people to appreciate initially.  I will be using many of my own experiences to describe the psychology which I have based my operations-plan on for most of my entire life.  I will explain and support why I feel that some mechanism occurs, and events can unfold, perhaps like karma or synchronicity and in some ways, it can work for us.  By having respect for life, such as in procedures in goal-pursuit and in creating routine or ceremony:  Life rewards us with serendipity – as if hard work and good intentions have dynamics that are stronger when we recognize and respect value beyond the surface.  I find this connection to be very reassuring.  It is about visualization of outcomes to some extent.  It keeps me level in difficult situations.  I will point to a direct correlation between certain moods and productivity in this type of transcendental work, and how this is enhanced by confidence, care and respect.  This is where I would like to explain balance from, such that you might attain the same sense of stability too, even amidst possible turmoil.

We balance our life towards goals.  Social feedback and the environment can aid or blockade goal-pursuit.  Our own belief-system and how we react, is where all the dynamics start.  On top of the most essential building blocks of physical and mental health, respect for life may determine mood more than anything else.  We can build moods of productivity with optimism and empathy.  I will explain how.

******